I almost sensed it an instant before it happened. A cold dread filled me. I could feel my testicles start to shrivel. Was this it? So simple? So sudden?
Why me? Why now? I trembled and knew that I had lost control of my bladder. It was astounding. How easily one gets scared. I always thought I was brave, but now fear pervaded my being. I had never been so terrified and so self pitying.
I looked all around. There was nothing around me but the horror clutching at me from without and within. I let out a thin whimper…or was it a wail…
What was I going to do? The options went through me and were all dismissed. I didn’t want this but where would I go now?
Minutes went by and I didn’t do a thing. I was still sweating like a horse after a race. I didn’t realize I had so much fluid in me. I had to take my mind of this thing.
I started thinking about my life. It did flash before my eyes! It was a good one. I had always done well and had never any reason to complain. Not that I had ever thought about it until now. The perspective seemed different now. Mundane events in my life that I thought were of portentous significance and earth shaking tragedies suddenly seemed inane. What the hell had I been so bothered about! Life had been good!
Strangely, the sweating stopped. I wasn’t afraid anymore. A sense of calm slowly took over. Maybe this was for the best. I actually smiled. Everyone I had loved was gone so what was left for me here?
Anyway, it’s not like I had any choice so might as well be brave about it. I was not going to close my eyes. Desperado! Bandido! God, I felt good. I’d never felt so confident and happy in my life.
My smile widened. I knew I looked silly. But I didn’t care anymore.
Slowly and deliberately I extricated my foot from the land mine….